Ownership

I’ve always had an issue with letting people go and letting “it” go.

I would do all that I could to salvage that relationship and try my best to make sure that I didn’t look like the bad guy.

It is pretty evident that when you feel as if you’re the reason for something going south, you will try to patch it up. You will rip items from your own flesh and body to “cover” the damage.

I think it’s because I thought that people “belonged” to me.  If I have intentionally shared my space with you, I’ve told you secrets, and you’ve tasted my skin, I had a piece of ownership in your being.  You owed me something.  So if I hurt you or made you feel some kind of way, you have to let me fix it.

Letting go is never easy. It involves a lot of vulnerability. You literally have to release your hands and spirit from that promise, wish, image that you have played over in your head.  You have to deal with the possibility that you messed up and that it can’t go any further.

People do not belong to people. We are not items amongst each other that are swapped and shared. We are spirits, energy, encapsulated in a body. We’re bigger than we think. That’s why we can never own each other. We belong to eternity, to God.

I think facing myself in the mirror was and is the hardest part. I’ve had men walk away, friends walk away, and probably strangers walk away… hurt.  I will always push reconciliation but when it’s said and done, I have to let it go.

I think that we should all take inventory of what situations and people we feel like we have control over, or can’t let go of. All we can do is try, and if that isn’t good enough. Lay it to rest.

You’re not perfect and that’s perfect.

-Court