I’m not sure what this moment in my life truly means. I was taught that my whole life I would become this woman in my late twenties that I wouldn’t recognize. She would be this woman that was shaped by every bruise and heartache. Rejection would be her reason to love, and the disappointment would cultivate her joy. But why? Why did I have to be told about the pain that I would have to endure first, instead of being told that I was enough? Now when I look at myself, I see my miseducation. As a little girl, I captivated a room. I would introduce myself by saying my full name. I would make friends where ever I went. I was free. Until I was told to be “quiet”, or to” not be so friendly.” I was a bold little black girl from the womb until, I was told that it would be to my demise if continued on in this manner. Its disheartening to think that the things that are free to us in life are sometimes the things that we are taught to turn from. I thank God for my rebellious heart to be Courtney. I want to encourage black women to go back to the place you were told that you were to much, or that pain is your rights of passage. That simply isn’t true. Everyone’s spiritual beliefs are different, but I believe that because God knew us in the womb, he put inside of us all that we need. Yes, cultivation must happen. Yes, life lessons must happen. But embracing our personalities early on in our lives should not come with a speech about “dimming your light” because of fear. I love who I am, I love my story. But now that I am on the other side as Professional Black Woman approaching the end of my twenties, I embrace every kink, every piece of slang, my friendly personality, and the compelling feeling that I get when someone is new in the room, and I just have to say hi because I don’t want them to feel alone. The miseducation that black girls have to guard who we are in order to survive corporate America, everyday society, and the gaze of men is sick. I won’t yield to it. I won’t conform to it. I may never overcome systemic racism, stereotypes, or how the world views me. However, I am God fearing, educated,well traveled,fly, sexy, extraordinary, innovative, and sensitive. I am on the other side, and here I can be myself.
You’re not perfect, and that’s perfect.
LTR 